I guess I’m just a rolling stone. I move–a lot. I am in constant momentum. I don’t really plan it that way, it just happens. And now it looks like its about to happen again.
For two years I have been tutoring Chinese students for a reduction from my rent but that has come to an end. After teaching every week night and most Saturdays my landlord and I cannot come to an agreement about the rent. I believe we are even while she insists I owe over $4,000.
God seems to be saying it is time for something new. Transition and turmoil seem to come at the same time. It is a test. Will you buckle under the pressure and the stress or will you trust God and rest in His more perfect plan.
I am always reminded of Ecclesiastes–”to everything turn, turn, turn . . . there is a season turn, turn, turn . . .and a purpose for everything under heaven.
Some people are like moss growing on a rock and others are like the stormy sea. We must learn to be like those who lie down in green pastures and like those who flow peacefully like a tranquil river to the sea.
We can neither allow ourselves to become stoic and stuck in a rut nor can we constantly try to fight and swim upstream. There comes a time when we must give in to God’s greater plan which often involves transition.
Change is hard. It is hard for those who seem the most settled and it is hard for nomads like me.
I wonder why some folks live in the same house, work at the same job, live life the same way–year after year after year. I must admit there have been time when I envied their stability. They seem to always know who they are, where they belong and what they are doing. And they seem to nearly never worry. They are beyond self-sufficient. They are certain, steadfast, predictable, stable, secure and slow to change . . . They are reliable and down to earth. Boring but always dependable.
Not me. I am the sanguine to the max. I am motivated by the challenge of something new. I am an unpredictable nomad and the girl with itchy feet. I am a tinker, a gypsy, a missionary, a globe trekker, a flighty vagabond. They call me Ruby Tuesday. I am the adventurer, the risk-taker, the crazy, passionate impromptu lover of all things undiscovered, exciting and new.
I am the curious cat who eagerly wants to make the most of my life . . .
My life is an amazing journey but being transient isn’t easy. The road gets old. The stigma of being homeless is enormous. The feeling of never being settled is depressing. Embarrassing, too. The unknowing is the hard part. It is hard to shut out the sadness, the frustration, the fear. Uncertainty looms at every corner. I don’t want to burden my friends or my family and I hate feeling like I am incapable of taking care of myself. I cry a lot and I pray.
And I do resist transition. I enjoy feeling settled. I collect a lot of stuff. I like it where I’m at. I’m learning to be content. I want to come home to a warm bed and familiar surroundings. I want to plant a garden. I’d like to paint the living room walls. And yes, the deepest desire of my heart is to find a husband and have a permanent home to call my own.
I guess I tend to talk out of both sides of my mouth. On the one hand I want freedom to just go and serve the Lord–anywhere, any place and any time. On the other hand I want the comforts of home.
We are living in difficult times and I honestly believe God is saying we can’t always have it both ways. We are either on the fence or we’re off. We either jump in with both feet or we wade near the shoreline barely wetting our toes.
Be careful when you start calling yourself a missionary. God will surely put you to the test. The mission field is everywhere but it is no place for wanna-be’s,
In 2009 I got sick and had to leave my teaching job at the local college. My income went from nearly $40,000 to under $5,000 in just a year. Dye to insurance problems it took me almost two years to finally have my surgery and in that time my income dwindled even further–at one point less than $2,500 for the entire year. And yet my God provided everything I needed on time every time in the most unexpected ways. In fact my kitchen was so full of food I often found myself giving it away. Same goes for clothes and household stuff. And since 2009, I have done more outreach and mission work than I ever would have imagined.
God sees the heart and often times the transition we fear is exactly what we need to move into the plan God has for us. Yes, the Lord gives and takes away but I have discovered He does not close a door without opening another one and often what we give up is far inferior to what God has waiting on the other side.
I have a big mouth and a penchant for adventure. When I pray I say I will go and do whatever God calls me to. I say there is nothing I want more than to be God’s little journalist, His missionary, His scribe.
I realize I am not satisfied with a “normal” life and probably never would be. I want more and when I ask for more God hears and He delivers.
Crazy things happen. What’s up is suddenly down. Oftentimes it looks like injustice but it is Ok because God always has a better plan. The tide turns quickly. A thundering voice says “Follow me”. That’s when God challenges me to trust Him.
Will I do it?
Its scary and its adventurous . . . its not “normal” to not know where I’m going or how I’m going to get there. But one thing I have learned for certain is my God never leaves me or forsakes me. He gives me what I need when I need it. Who He calls He always equips. When one door closes a better one opens.
God is our hope as we go through transitions in life. He is our strength and He has the answers. He will light your path and direct your steps. He will send angels of mercy to help you and guide you. He will equip you and use you. He will take you places you never imagined. He will give you the desires of your heart, He is your greatest hope and an ever present help in times of trouble.