Tags
anxiety, Apostle Paul, bible promises, Book of Job, Christian, cindi courbat, David, depression, discouragement, faith over fear, fear, full time ministry, Galatians, God's promises, hearing God, Hope, Jeremiah 29:11, job searching, over-thinking, overcoming discouragement, patience, perseverence, praying and fasting, rebellion, renewed strength, Romans 7:15, stress, unemployment, waiting on the Lord, workforce, worry
I’m feeling a bit discouraged today. Even though I spend much of my time thinking, praying, writing and sharing hope wit others–there are some days when I just need a little bit of hope for myself. There are days when I gasp for my own breathe of fresh air; days when I’m simply all hoped out.
MY perseverance wanes. I flap my wings but I can’t seem to fly. Today I am a sparrow–not the eagle I so often think I am.
I can’t seem to stick with my good intentions of fasting and praying and I can’t seem to find the direction of what to do next so, as always, I go back to what seems logical–I apply and apply and apply for jobs that all seem to be a good fit but then I don’t even get a call for an interview. It has been this way for almost five years. Is it my age? Bad credit? The economy? A curse I brought on through inconsistent tithing? Is it my own lack of focus or procrastination? Maybe its my failure to drum up the faith and the wherewithal to get busy doing the things I feel God has called me to do. Why am I sitting on the fence between full-time ministry and a traditional job? I hate being around those who are all talk and no action–but maybe I am that way too.
Do I bring this on myself because I speak negative thoughts? We become what we say–this I know.
Am I just a dreamer? Maybe the naysayers are right. Am I a rebel who refuses to settle down? Am I hopelessly clinging to my own fantasy world? Perhaps, I’m too picky on the work I’m willing to do.
My book keeper and my mother suggest it all hinges on my inability or unwillingness to lose weight–are they right? I just don’t know. I am so sick and tired of trying to get it right and figure it all out. I over-think this thing until it haunts me. I certainly never planned for any of this to be as it is. I should be filming a documentary on the mission field or volunteering my way across 12 major U.S. highways or hugging my husband by now. Instead I am right where I’ve been for the past 20 years.
I’ve worn out all the Bible promises about patience and waiting. Could it be these verses are for everyone else but me?
This is a tiring and frustrating cycle but I still believe in Jeremiah 29:11 that God has a good and perfect plan for me. I still believe when Isaiah says that those who wait upon the Lord will rise up with wings as eagles and will run and not get weary. I also believe the Book of Galatians that tells me not to grow weary in doing good because in due season my reward will come. I know these promises in the pit of my soul and I still have the strength to chase away the doubts but like David or Job I must cry out and say “Lord have you forgotten me? Are you ignoring my plea?”
I know the only way to end the bad and to get back to the good is to do something different. If what I know would get better aligned with what I do I might be OK. I recall the Apostle Paul speaking of the same problem.
In Romans 7:15 Paul writes “For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.”
This blog has always been about scattering hope and helping others but sometimes we have to just become completely transparent and simply say . . . “I need hope too.”
There are times when we all feel stuck or even worse, cursed. There are times when we all need a little less discouragement and a lot more hope.
The HOPE Report 